May the Fourth be with you – If Star Wars did payroll

4th May 2016

May the 4thWith it being May 4th, we thought we’d take a light hearted look at how all things payroll might have panned out in a galaxy far far away.

Things we’ve found out?

1) Galactic Pensions – As Wookiees live hundreds of years, auto enrolment was proving to be a real headache for the rebel alliance. Wookiees – Need Advice?

2) Payroll Headaches – With 1.7 million people working on the Death Star the payroll run needed to be smooth. Sorting out the payroll post-destruction was a major headache for the Empire. Vader – Who should you call?

3) Expenses – Heads were turned when Han Solo presented his £3.2million business mileage claim for the 39.12 light year Kessel Run trip in the Millennium Falcon. The extra 5p per mile claim for the Wookiee was dismissed on the basis that he was not human.

4) Galactic Pensions –  Jar Jar Binks and even the Ewoks had to be included in Auto Enrolment. It was included in the Galactic Pension Regulators legislation. Pension headache?

5) National Living Wage – The announcement on Alderaan of a rise in the National Living Wage to 7.20 Galactic Credits, proved to be short-lived. The next day the Death Star blew it up. The good news for the Rebel Alliance payroll team was that they didn’t need to amend the payroll run that month.

6) Shared Parental Leave – Before he became a disciple of the dark side, Darth Vader was Anakin Skywalker, a goodhearted Jedi and hero of the Clone Wars. However Shared Parental Leave (SPL) became a real problem when wife Padmé Amidala gave birth to Luke and Leia.

7) Shared Parental Leave (Grandparents) – 900 year old Yoda was not looking forward to the Galactic Chancellor’s plans for Shared Parental Leave (SPL) and pay to be extended to one nominated working grandparent. Parental Leave Pay, currently 139.58 Galactic credits a week or 90% of average weekly earnings, whichever is lower, didn’t even cover the 4.5 light year round trip to pick up the grandchildren.

8) SHA2- SSL Security Changes – The failure of the Rebel Alliance to adopt new internet payroll security accreditation SHA2-SSL meant R2D2 failed to receive his monthly Galactic Bacs Payment Schemes Limited (Bacs) credit. Speaking to us R2D2, plainly distraught, commented “Beep, whistle, beep, beep, blip”. Strong words indeed!.

9) Auto Enrolment – The Rebel Alliance thought it was a no-brainer using small in size, but wise and powerful Yoda for their Auto Enrolment support. However, after taking over 800 years to stage, the Rebel Alliance finally opted out after hearing he had chosen ‘Vader Pensions’ as their preferred supplier. Jedi master. Pensions idiot.

10) PAYE Changes : Payrolling – Under the changes to Galactic PAYE regulations, payrolling – namely collecting tax on benefits in real time (a bit like hyper speed) – came into Force from the 33rd century Tax Year. So for P11Ds (not a droid) due for completion, benefits such as medical insurance for lightsaber injury, Stormtrooper uniform cleaning, and company TIE Fighters will be subject to tax through the Galactic payroll. With a K tax code Darth Vader was an immediate fan.

If you’re suffering from Galactic payroll problems then contact the IRIS FMP team. Regrettably the force is not strong with us, so you’ll have to use phone or email. May the Fourth be with you.